how can i describe it?


life cheats you. i'm sitting here strangely feeling so lonely as though i am light years away from yesterday, last week, last month, and even more so with the passing of minutes.

was that really me looking forward to being away from home in the past? and now thinking, maybe, just maybe, even though life moves forward, we're really moving backwards, progressively? how do you explain the loss of memory, the deminishing ability of a person to recognize what it is that is important and crucial to the self?

its true, the busiest places in the world can sometimes be the loneliest. hm. outside roars Berkeley's band practice, tunes of celebration that ironically seem ill fitting to what i'm writing about.

you see, it is possible to be alone in a room full of people. more than anything, i'm searching for the faces of the familiar, for names that mean so much to me and the past. as of now, i do not find much comfort in meeting the unfamiliar, the lesser-knowns, as though something about the lack of knowing could futher drive this feeling of loneliness.

i am a clear glass full of water, seeing through what the realm of possibilities hold, but afraid of spilling over, or worse yet, finally shattering.